Non-Jews are for practice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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