can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
