If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
