My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
