So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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