btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You may now shotgun with the bride
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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