Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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