Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
