If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
