i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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