god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
