Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
