if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
