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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention

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• (562): View more from California

  you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.

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• (415): View more from California

  Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need an aspirin and some dignity.

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