hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
