i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize