i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
