i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
