True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
