Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
