My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
