just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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