i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
