i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
