so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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