So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have fence marks all over my body
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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