I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize