Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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