She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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