My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize