just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
