So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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