Im at strip club and am horny
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
