yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
