got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
