I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
