First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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