Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
