Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
