I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
