Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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