highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
