u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
