oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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