Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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