you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize