anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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