Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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