on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
