his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
