I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
