the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
