how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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