a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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