I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
