I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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