Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
