We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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