3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
3pm strippers are depressing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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