All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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