Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
