there's paper in my vomit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
