I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
