John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
