About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Green mimosas i think yes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
