How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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