I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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