The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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