Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
