I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
