Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
