Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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