dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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