Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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