today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
