Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize