i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
