Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
