You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
