I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
