I want to stick my p in your. b.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
