the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
