i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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