Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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