: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
