I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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