We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
