u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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