You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
