I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
