i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize