you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
